Who decides what you are?
Sep 02, 2022
Are you a runner?
Are you a business owner?
Are you an artist?
Every Friday for the last month, I have spent the day at the farm harvesting daffodils, rows and rows of unapologetic and abundant joy.
Once I’ve harvested a few buckets, I take them back to the city to give to friends, neighbours and community members.
A friend said to me, “You’re doing it; you’re a flower farmer!” To which I responded, “Not yet.”
In my mind, I am not a farmer until I exchange my first bunch of flowers for money.
When my husband Emrys bought the tractor, that was when he felt like a farmer.
When I saw him on said tractor creating the fire breaks in the paddocks, donning his Akubra, wearing his Driza- Bone (a classic waterproof coat that is a mainstay in many farmers’ wardrobes) I thought he looked like a farmer, but is he a farmer?
Who decides?
The Oxford dictionary: farmer – a person who owns or manages a farm.
Many women run weekly; they make the time to run on a consistent basis, and yet they refuse to call themselves runners.
When I got into running, I heard a professional say “If you run, you’re a runner.” That was good enough for me. But when I began endurance racing, it took me a while to take ownership of the title of athlete because I thought the only ‘real’ athletes were Olympians.
It was when a running coach very plainly said to me, “You train six days a week, and you compete; if that’s not an athlete, what is?”
Who decides?
Oxford dictionary: runner – a person or animal that runs, especially one taking part in a race.
Who decides?
Oxford dictionary: athlete – a person who competes in sports.
My current PT, the owner of two successful Melbourne gyms, thought she was not a business owner until her business coach questioned her about it.
I decided to ask her what she thought a business owner was. “A man in a suit, with a briefcase, who looked unhappy.” She was female, in trackpants and happy.
The Oxford dictionary: business – the activity of making, buying, selling or supplying goods or services for money.
You may be someone who has an art practice, but you refuse to call yourself an artist; but if you create art, aren’t you an artist?
The Oxford dictionary: artist – a person who creates works of art, especially painting or drawing.
Who decides when or how we take ownership of a particular title?
Sometimes it is a mentor, a friend, a colleague, but ultimately it is you.
We can be nudged; people can make suggestions, but we have to fully inhabit the title based on our own measures.
I have chosen that I become a farmer when I exchange my first bucket of flowers for money; that is my clear (and very exciting) measure. It’s why I call myself ‘an aspirational flower farmer.’
But beware. If you have chosen that you become an artist when you dedicate space in your house to the practice, beware of moving the measure. If you then have your own space but move the measure to “When I sell a painting.” You are at risk of never fully owning the practice.
If your measure of becoming a leader is when you get a raise, and you get the raise, but then you move the measure to “When I am invited to speak at the annual conference.” You are risk of never fully owning your leadership.
Who decides? You decide.
Create the measure. Move toward it. And when you reach it, take full ownership – without apology.
Wishing you a weekend of owning your talents, skills, aspirations and expertise.
As always, I would love to hear your insights, thoughts or musings.
Kemi xxx
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