When has standing in your power scared you?

POWER has been out in the world for four days!

Launch day was a beautiful day of connection, ease and impact.

I spent two hours in conversation with The Imperfects, a conversation I had been looking forward to for weeks. I went to pick up an outfit for my Melbourne launch that honours my English and Nigerian identity. I met with one of my dearest friends for lunch, and then she dragged me to see my book in a book shop, where we then burst out into interpretive dance, and I randomly signed a copy of POWER for an unexpected reader! It was a fulfilling day. 

(Go to my Instagram highlights to see launch day in pictures – POWER Tour.)

But a few weeks before, I began feeling wobbly. As launch day was getting closer, there was a moment lying in bed with my husband when I burst into tears, “I am so scared.”

And in loving care, my husband said, “It’s exciting. This is so exciting.” 

“Yes,” I replied. It is exciting, and right now, it is also terrifying. Allow me to be scared too.”

As a little girl, I often felt scared. I felt scared to speak. Scared to be seen, scared of being sent away, and scared of not belonging. 

Whenever we make bold and brave moves, our inner child gets scared. 

So yes, a few weeks before a major book launch where I would be seen on the scale I had not been seen in a long time, my inner child was scared. 

One of the reasons I left acting was because, after years of finally claiming and owning myself, I wanted to be more of me than I did playing characters on the screen or stage. Being ‘more of me’ has included knowing my fears and vulnerabilities. 

Brenè Brown talks of vulnerability being ‘the fear of emotional risk with no guaranteed outcome.’

Writing a book that involves personal and confronting stories about one’s life is vulnerable. 

Writing a book full stop is vulnerable.

In those wobbly weeks, where I was feeling scared (and a little excited), I allowed myself to feel it all. 

I held myself by taking care of my wellbeing and giving myself space and time. I spoke with my coach. I asked to be held physically and emotionally by friends and family. 

I reminded myself, “You are safe”. 

I have a picture of me as a young child on my desk (age unknown) and I told her, “We are safe now.”

And here we are; four days of POWER in the world, and the fear of being seen has shifted to the opportunity of being seen. 

As a little girl, I was often scared. If you resonate with the idea of having an inner child, and if you are willing to listen, this child will lead you to curiosity, emotional exposure, healing and ownership of your power.

As a grown woman, I am still scared sometimes, of course, I am.

But I am now more tuned into the power of my voice and the permission I give to others by being seen. 

And as for belonging, I know I belong to myself first. The only way I will not belong is if I disown myself, which is not going to happen; I have worked too hard.

As you watch and read my journey, I want you to know that those of us who have platforms, who have the privilege of using our voices, are scared a lot. Especially those of us who come from minority or marginalised communities. 

If you have a calling, a mission, a vision for yourself, for your community, for the world, let me leave you with the words of Audre Lorde.

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” 

Wishing you a weekend of standing in your power while also being scared.

Kemi xxx 

POWER – A woman’s guide to living and leading without apology is available to purchase now.

I thank you in advance for supporting my work and my words.

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