I should. She should. You should.

Sep 18, 2020
Kemi Nekvapil Blog Weekly Words

In our current climate, there is so much judgement about how people should and shouldn’t be feeling about things.

We all have the capacity for judgement; it’s how we use that judgement that matters.

Some people are thriving through this time; a client recently shared her successes with me but was afraid to share them with others, in case they judged her. I asked her to consider that her doing well could be the inspiration and hope some people need right now.

Some people feel they are drowning, and they feel afraid to say so, in case they are judged by others.  “They should be more resilient”. “They should be looking for the #Covidblessings”.

Last week, Lifeline had the largest number of calls it has ever received in its fifty-two-year history; three thousand calls in one day.

And then there are people feeling everything inbetween.

Where do you feel judged?

Who are you judging?

Yourself? What “should” you be feeling or not feeling?

When you judge others, what “should” they be feeling or not feeling?

When I find myself upset because of what I believe someone else should or shouldn’t be feeling, I turn that thought inwards: it’s an opportunity for me to learn more about myself.

I remember when I first saw someone without a face mask, after wearing one had been mandated.

I was running along; she was walking, and as I saw her, anger rose in me, from my gut to my throat.

I knew not to let it pass my throat and form into words (I have never been one for displays of public anger), and as I ran past her I started asking myself, why are you so angry with her?

In my head I let it rip: “She should be wearing a mask. If she doesn’t want to wear a mask, she should stay home. She should be more community-minded. She should. She should.”

But what I choose to believe, and what Dr Brown talks about so well, is the concept that “Everyone is doing the best they can”.

This view may not be the ultimate truth, but I choose to believe this because for me that stops any “should” in its tracks.

Back on the pavement, when I had finished “shoulding” all over her, I realised a few things:

  1. I am scared, and my fear is manifesting as anger.
  1. People with a respiratory issue do not need to wear a mask, maybe this is the case for her?
  1. She can make her own choices.
  1. I can only focus on my choices and doing what I can do.
  1. I am doing the best I can.
  1. She is doing the best she can.

You are doing the best you can.

It has to be enough. It’s all we have.

Wishing you a weekend of doing the best you can, with no judgement.

Kemi xxx

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