Who are the people who spur you on, pick you up when you have fallen, believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself, and celebrate you and your achievements?
In my late teens and early twenties, I believed that the more friends I had, the better. I also believed that the longer I stayed at the party, the better the party would become.
None of these beliefs turned out to be true.
I confided in people who could not hold my inner thoughts and vulnerable secrets. I spent time with people whose only measure of a successful night was how drunk or high they could get.
A part of me realised that this is not how it had to be, but I did not know then that if I wanted to change the people I spent time with, I had to change myself.
So often we wait for those around us to change, so much easier than doing the complicated and sometimes laborious process of changing ourselves. It takes courage to look inside and admit there are aspects of ourselves that are not working, or aspects that do not align with the life we want to live or the person we want to be.
What we tend to do is beat up on ourselves and assume that we are a ‘bad’ person if we have less than desirable traits, no one wants to feel like a ‘bad’ person, so we deflect the light from ourselves and shine it oh so brightly onto someone else.
Some of the most significant wounds I have experienced in my life are the betrayal of friendships, but it was hard for me to admit I was not the keeper of confidences if it gave me currency with someone I wanted to earn favour.
It was hard for me to admit that I was acting out behaviours because those I wanted to like me were enacting those behaviours.
It was hard for me to show up as who I was because I feared that being my whole self would have me alienated, cast out, unloved.
Being loved and accepted by others was more important than being loved and accepted by me, my whole human self.
I know it sounds like a cliché, and in my experience clichés are correct, that is why they become clichés.
We all have traits that we own about ourselves, that we wrestle with. None of these traits is good or bad, they either work or don’t work.
I once heard a saying “If you want to catch different fish, change your bait.” Probably not the best quote to use as a vegan, but avocados do not need bait!
What ‘bait’ are you putting out there?
Are you doing the work you need to?
Are you allowing yourself to be fully human?
Wishing a weekend of being with those who accept your whole human self, including you. xxx
I currently have space for two more coaching clients. If you would like support in ‘changing your bait’ maybe it is time for you to book in a discovery session.
This is a 45-minute coaching call, where you share with me a current goal or challenge, and we create a pathway for action, which is yours to run with as you wish.
This is a genuine opportunity for you to experience my coaching method and decide whether it suits you.
All you need to do is email me email@example.com and I will be in contact.
“The positive impact Kemi has had on my life cannot be overstated. I began my coaching journey 18 months ago, at a time in my life when I was feeling reasonably accomplished and clear on what I wanted to achieve. With the support and guidance of Kemi I accomplished many things which on paper equalled success, however, I discovered along the way that I wasn’t being entirely true to myself. I had modelled my leadership on the styles and expectations of others and was no longer clear on my own values. So began a journey of self-discovery which was as challenging as it was rewarding. As I practiced being courageous and vulnerable (I learned there is not one without the other) and leaned into my own leadership style – my connections became stronger, my conversations more meaningful and I was able to replace approval seeking with authenticity. Being an authentic leader is a continual work in progress – some days I feel more vulnerable than courageous and vice versa, but my fortnightly sessions with Kemi were instrumental in propelling me forward. Kemi led me to discover and believe in my own worth, and in the process, re-evaluate what true leadership and success means for me. I trust Kemi implicitly and her unconditional support is a rare and generous gift. Kemi is so much more than a coach – she’s the secret weapon to discovering your own super-powers.” – Jody Wadling
“At the time I met Kemi I felt “stuck”. I knew I was doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.
I was in the market for a coach and had not connected to anyone prior to Kemi that I felt comfortable with. I knew I had behaviours that were not serving my goals and needed help to understand/recognise what was going on.
The one to one coaching has been brilliant as it has allowed me to explore my feelings about certain aspects of my life and understand why I have been acting in certain ways. It has empowered me to take ownership of who I am and start to communicate more effectively with others.
I have enjoyed Kemi’s style of coaching as she has a way of creating a very save space which allowed me to be totally honest about many aspects of my life. She has a very gentle style of coaching but when necessary will call you out to ensure that you stay on track in each session.” – Claire Barker-Hemings