A few weeks ago, I was parked in a car park waiting to exchange a click and collect item for my son.
I was wearing a mask. the man serving me via my car window was wearing a mask.
The massive carpark was empty. All of the surrounding businesses were closed.
And I was suddenly consumed with a feeling of immense sadness. I literally felt it rise up in me, and before I knew what had happened, I was sobbing.
Uncontrollable sobbing in the car, in the car park.
And a voice within me said, “I don’t want to have to do this anymore. I will. But I don’t want to.”
Lockdown 6 extension was announced a few days earlier; so many people are struggling in so many ways.
I am not afraid of my emotions, and I knew it was grief I was feeling. I wanted to fully experience and honour the grief I was feeling at that moment otherwise, it could fester and become something else.
On the way home, I put on a song that always makes me humble and hopeful.
I then found another song and another song, and I sobbed all the way home.
When I got home, I said to my husband, “I just need you to hold me for a moment.”
And he did. He held me as I finished my moment of grief. We didn’t speak. What was there to say?
And then I pulled away. Said thank you. We smiled. I had a shower. I went to the garden and did ‘garden things.’
My process had been:
- To acknowledge and name the feeling
- Let myself feel the feeling without judgment
- Focus on something I could do to make me feel better
- What are you feeling right now?
- How can you honour that feeling?
- What will make you feel better?
These questions work whether or not you are in lockdown. Grieving or not. You may be feeling joyous, and to honour that joy, you share it with someone else, and then you may want to add even more joy.
Honouring our feelings, allowing ourselves to feel without judgement, or comparison, creates a new way forward.
It is times like this when we need art and music, and dance. I wanted to share these three songs with you today.
1. The song that supported my grief; it may support yours.
Grace – Lizz Wright
2. A song that has lifted my spirit this week; it may lift yours.
Floating through space – Sia
3. A song I have danced to this week, you may want to dance as well.
The best things in life are free – Melbourne Ska Orchestra
Wishing you a weekend of honouring all of your feelings.